Nathan grilled hot dogs, and I made chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing, at Ben’s request.  (Me: “Ben, do you want vanilla icing on your cupcakes, or chocolate?” Him: “Actually, I think I’m going to have a little bit of chocolate.”)

How can it be?  My first baby has finished his third trip around the sun.

He reads memorized picture books to his sister.  He points out all the bus stops he sees while we’re riding in the car.  He tells his own jokes, mainly about skunks.  He likes to stand on a stool in the kitchen and help me make pancakes.  He presses his nose to mine and giggles, saying, “Ben nose, mommy nose!”  He has a bad dream and comes into my room to find me and cuddle in the middle of the night. I do these things with him, and my heart breaks open.  There are great mysteries in our time together that I only begin to grasp, before someone burps or farts and they slip away into whatever place all human experience goes.

Three years already.  Happy Birthday, sweet Ben.  You are the gift.  I love you.

So far Port Aransas hasn’t been affected by the oil spill in the Gulf.  But these oil platforms, which were clearly visible from shore, were a constant reminder of the disaster and of the role of drilling in the Gulf.

Our friends Hazel and her mom Heather, who organized our trip.

Our friend Gabe.

The digging tent.  Our group’s headquarters on the beach.  Maddie, Ben, our friends Shad and Theo, and Nathan.

My sweet Madeleine.

Views from our condo balcony when we woke up this morning.  It rained, and we saw a double rainbow outside our front door. 

I didn’t get photos, but we saw lots of marine animals during our trip: gulls, pelicans, crabs, mussels, small bony fish, jellyfish, and a sandpiper.  Ben and I collected a couple handfuls of seashells, now drying on the front porch.  Ben was afraid of the crab shells on the beach for most of our time there and wanted to be carried everywhere.  He and Nathan enjoyed walking out into the water together, though, letting the waves break against them, occasionally getting a taste of salt water.

Maddie enjoyed digging in the sand, walking back and forth between the sand and the water’s edge, and being carried out into the waves like Ben.

It was a great first weekend at the beach for our family, made even richer by sharing it with friends.  With us on the beach but not in this set of photos were our friends Manue, TJ, Eamon, Cheri, Jeff, Beck, Amber, Michael, Davis and Sammy.

In this photo at first glance I keep thinking that Shad is holding a beer.  But nope, that’s a sippy cup he’s holding, and it doesn’t contain beer.  Sign of the times.

Now to wash babies and beach towels.

It’s a giant mess.  Best to put on jammies afterwards.

This morning, friends came to play with Ben and Maddie while Nathan and I attended Carrie Contey’s workshop on fostering sibling relationships.  Carrie is a parenting coach here in ATX, and a pioneer of the Slow Family Living movement.  She doesn’t have any children of her own.  She wears the hottest, most outrageous shoes.  I think she might be kind of famous.  (I think she was interviewed on Good Morning America or something?)  Carrie is extremely gifted at what she does.  She is changing the world, one family at a time.

I’m still processing all of the goodies we got in our workshop this morning.  But the most significant-for-me ideas we discussed?  Are:

1.  Siblings fight.  There’s nothing I can do to prevent it.  It’s normal, and it’s an important way Ben and Maddie are learning to resolve conflict.  Let me repeat this for myself: I am not responsible for preventing sibling rivalry between them, nor am I responsible for resolving every little scuffle they have.

2.  Ben and Maddie are different little people, and they don’t need (or likely even want!) the same things.  Trying to make everything exactly equal all the time is (a) crazy-making for me; and (b) not even possible.

3.  Oldest children often really do need more attention to keep their emotional cups full.  It’s normal for them to want it, and it’s not going to harm anyone if they receive it, as long as youngers are loved and appreciated in the ways that feel best to them.  This was healing for me to hear as an oldest child myself.

And then Carrie suggested all sorts of playful, concrete ways to diffuse conflicts and meltdowns that I hope I remember at least some of the time in the moment.

Sigh.  It’s just such a relief, you know?  All we have to do is be ourselves.  Be present and honest.  Acknowledge *what is* with each child and appreciate it.  Things won’t be perfect all the time, but they’ll still be good.

We had a fun, smooth afternoon and evening with Ben and Maddie.

Did I mention that yogurt snack cleanup was truly gross?

Yesterday morning Ben and I went to the party store, where he chose our wagon decorations.

Nathan and Ash pup, who now weighs over 30 lbs!  He was very good about wearing the flag bandana and greeting other dogs in the parade politely.

We walked with our friends Chris, Holly, and Ruby.

The turnout this morning was impressive, with a firetruck, several police cars, kids in wagons and on bikes, neighbors walking dogs dressed for the occasion, decorated cars whose passengers tossed candy to parade watchers, and even a decorated float or two.  Neighbors served us ice pops at the end of the parade route.

Happy Independence Day!  Here’s to our amazing communities at every level, small local neighborhoods to the nation as a whole.  Hope your day is filled with laughter and gratitude, too.

Every time we’ve pulled the box out to play, Maddie has worn the purple hat.

She and Ben both like the chunky black beads and the black and white patterned purse, which they often fill with play pizza.

She melts me.

with Great-Granny Edith

and Great-Pawpaw Tutt.  My grandparents visited Austin on Monday to see us and our new house for the first time.  It was their 12th anniversary.  We read The Very Hungry Caterpillar about 20 times, and Ben gave them a tour of the house.  Monday night we made a spaghetti dinner, and sang Happy Anniversary to the melody of “Happy Birthday.”  I feel so fortunate that Ben and Maddie have been able to spend time with my grandparents, too.

2 cans tuna in water, drained

2 stalks celery, diced

1/3 cup finely diced onion (Red is best, but I used yellow today.)

1 thwock canola mayo (The real stuff, please. But not too much.)

salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste