Sunrise Ruby

I’ve been making Ben and Maddie this yogurt snack in the evenings.  It’s Greek yogurt mixed with chopped fruit (tonight it was peaches), ground flax seed, and a touch of maple syrup.

It’s a giant mess.  Best to put on jammies afterwards.

This morning, friends came to play with Ben and Maddie while Nathan and I attended Carrie Contey’s workshop on fostering sibling relationships.  Carrie is a parenting coach here in ATX, and a pioneer of the Slow Family Living movement.  She doesn’t have any children of her own.  She wears the hottest, most outrageous shoes.  I think she might be kind of famous.  (I think she was interviewed on Good Morning America or something?)  Carrie is extremely gifted at what she does.  She is changing the world, one family at a time.

I’m still processing all of the goodies we got in our workshop this morning.  But the most significant-for-me ideas we discussed?  Are:

1.  Siblings fight.  There’s nothing I can do to prevent it.  It’s normal, and it’s an important way Ben and Maddie are learning to resolve conflict.  Let me repeat this for myself: I am not responsible for preventing sibling rivalry between them, nor am I responsible for resolving every little scuffle they have.

2.  Ben and Maddie are different little people, and they don’t need (or likely even want!) the same things.  Trying to make everything exactly equal all the time is (a) crazy-making for me; and (b) not even possible.

3.  Oldest children often really do need more attention to keep their emotional cups full.  It’s normal for them to want it, and it’s not going to harm anyone if they receive it, as long as youngers are loved and appreciated in the ways that feel best to them.  This was healing for me to hear as an oldest child myself.

And then Carrie suggested all sorts of playful, concrete ways to diffuse conflicts and meltdowns that I hope I remember at least some of the time in the moment.

Sigh.  It’s just such a relief, you know?  All we have to do is be ourselves.  Be present and honest.  Acknowledge *what is* with each child and appreciate it.  Things won’t be perfect all the time, but they’ll still be good.

We had a fun, smooth afternoon and evening with Ben and Maddie.

Did I mention that yogurt snack cleanup was truly gross?